Finding Balance in Dog Training and in Life with Dogs
When it comes to training our dogs to be wonderful, welcomed additions to our families, one word comes up again and again: balance.
Balance doesn’t mean perfection. It’s about discovering what works best for you, your lifestyle, and your dog. And because every dog and every human is different, there is no single “right” answer.
This month, we’re taking a deeper look at what it means to find balance. Not only in how we train our dogs, but in how we communicate with them, how we set boundaries, and how we structure our everyday lives together.
The Myth About “Positive Only” Training and Saying NO
One of the most common myths floating around is that positive reinforcement trainers never say “no.” According to the myth, if you’re using rewards, cookies, and force-free methods, then you must never raise your voice, set limits, or tell your dog to stop doing something.Here’s the problem: this myth makes many dog owners feel guilty.
They feel like they’re “failing” if the words “No!” “Stop that!” or even “You little rascal, get back here!” slip out in the heat of the moment.
But here’s the truth: we are human. We’re emotional beings. Sometimes we get frustrated, embarrassed, or overwhelmed. And that’s okay.
The goal of force-free, positive reinforcement training isn’t about pretending we’ll never say “no.” It’s about stacking the deck so we don’t need to say it as often. We do that by:- Setting up the environment for success (using gates, crates, leashes, and other management tools).
- Reinforcing the behaviors we want to see more of.
- Giving our dogs appropriate outlets for their energy and instincts.
Dogs (just like humans) learn better when shown what to do instead of only being told what not to do. That said, acknowledging and using “no” as a boundary, without guilt, is part of the bigger picture of finding balance.
What Balance Looks Like in Training and Daily Life
Balance shows up in many areas of living with dogs. Let’s break down a few examples:
Time Balance
Life is busy. Between work, kids, chores, and commitments, where does dog training fit in? The trick is realizing training doesn’t have to mean long, formal sessions. Short, consistent interactions woven into daily life often work better and reduce stress for both you and your dog.
Training Method Balance
Most dog owners don’t use just one training style. I personally use a combination of force-free, positive reinforcement, and dog-centered approaches. Balance means finding a blend of methods that align with your values and meet your dog’s needs.
Family Balance
When more than one person is responsible for training and caring for a dog, consistency matters. A dog who gets mixed messages, like being allowed on the couch by one person but scolded by another, will struggle to learn. Balance comes when the whole family works together toward shared goals. It seems like we all struggle daily with finding time to balance work, the house, quality family time & dog training or enrichment time. The goal should not be perfection, but doing the best we can to ensure all our loved ones are taken care of to the best of our abilities.
Feeding Balance
Kibble? Raw? Canned? Homemade? The options are endless, and every dog owner seems to have strong opinions. But the “right” answer is the one that keeps your dog healthy and happy and fits your household’s lifestyle and budget.
Exercise Balance
How much is enough? Walks, playtime, fetch, training games, puzzle toys, and even the zoomies all count. Balance means finding the right mix of physical and mental outlets that leave your dog fulfilled without leaving you overwhelmed. The age old quote, “A tired dog is a happy dog!” is not always the best advice. Some dogs get overwhelmed or over-excited by too much exercise so be sure to find a balance of exercise and rest or calming activities. This isn’t going to match evenly such as a 60 min walk should equal a 60 min nap session. Every dog is different so the goal should be to find a balance that helps your dog remain healthy, active and happy in life.
Training vs. Games Balance
Is it better to focus on obedience or play? Should your dog practice heel the whole walk, or have plenty of sniff breaks? The truth is, both matter. Play isn’t the opposite of training, it’s part of it. Balance comes from knowing when to structure an activity and when to let your dog just be a dog.
Boundaries: For Dogs, for People, for Ourselves
Finding balance also means learning to set boundaries. This doesn’t only apply to dogs! It applies to us as humans, too.
With our dogs: Clear rules, limits, and expectations reduce stress. A calm “no” or redirection can be a boundary, but so can closing a door, using a gate, or redirecting energy into an appropriate outlet.
With other people: Sometimes we have to say “no” to the neighbor who insists on petting our shy dog, or the family member who sneaks food from the table.
With ourselves: We need to set realistic expectations. It’s okay to admit that life is busy and you can’t do it all perfectly. Balance isn’t about doing everything, but about choosing what matters most.
The Big Picture: Your Balance Will Look Different
The most important thing to remember is this: your balance doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
--A stay-at-home parent has different opportunities than someone working 10-hour shifts.
--A young herding dog has different needs than a senior rescue.
--Your goals for your dog may be completely different from your neighbor’s.
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This October, I’m inviting you to join me in reflecting on balance: in time, training, play, food, exercise, boundaries, and life as a whole. Ask yourself the tough questions. Explore what really matters to you. And most importantly, give yourself permission to find the balance that works best for you and your dog.
The reflections and conversations will be taking place on our social media accounts on Facebook & Instagram so be sure to follow us there!
Because at the end of the day, you’re the one who lives with, cares for, and loves your dog. And that relationship is what balance is really about.
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