Friday, February 13, 2026

When Calm Isn't Calm

 


When “Calm” Isn’t Calm: Understanding Freeze & Shutdown in Dogs

One of the most common misunderstandings in dog behavior, especially with fearful or sensitive dogs, is assuming that stillness means safety.

A dog who isn’t reacting, pulling, barking, or moving is often described as calm, settled, or finally relaxed. But sometimes what we’re seeing isn’t calm at all. It’s freeze or shutdown; a survival response that happens when a dog feels overwhelmed, trapped, or unsure how to stay safe.

Understanding the difference matters, because a dog who looks calm on the outside may be experiencing intense emotional distress on the inside.

Fear Has More Than One Response

When dogs perceive a threat, their nervous system doesn’t just choose fight or flight. Many dogs, especially fearful ones, default to:

  • Freeze: becoming very still, quiet, and tense

  • Shutdown: disengaging, disconnecting, or appearing “checked out”

These responses are not choices or training failures. They’re adaptive survival strategies used when movement, communication, or exploration no longer feel safe.

This dog appears calm, but is hesitant and moving slowly.

Behaviors Commonly Misread as “Good” or “Calm”

Freeze and shutdown are often praised unintentionally because they look manageable. Some commonly misread behaviors include:

  • Sitting or lying still for long periods

  • Quiet compliance without enthusiasm

  • Not pulling on leash in overwhelming environments

  • Refusing food or taking treats mechanically

  • Glassy eyes, slow blinking, or heavy stillness

  • Lack of curiosity, play, or exploration

These dogs aren’t relaxed; they’re coping the best way they can.

In the video above, Doogie is meeting a new person for the first time and he's apprehensive. While he is still able to interact, he's moving much more slowly. It's not a great example of "freeze" behavior because the recording didn't start until after the freeze behavior had stopped. But you can still see the subtle differences in this dog's body language telling us that he doesn't feel 100% safe in this environment.

A dog in freeze or shutdown is not learning. Their brain is focused on survival, not processing or skill-building. Our goal with training is to never push dogs into a fight, flight, or freeze state! Learning doesn't happen during these stages of extreme emotional takeover. Training can only happen when support the dog, helping them feel safe enough to learn.

Belle showing SAFE Body Language.

What True Safety & Calm Actually Look Like

When a dog feels genuinely safe and emotionally regulated, you’ll usually see softness and choice.

Signs of real calm include:

  • Loose, wiggly body language

  • Soft eyes and relaxed facial muscles

  • Natural curiosity and exploration

  • Sniffing, stretching, or playful movement

  • Choosing to engage and choosing to disengage

  • Willingness to move freely and make decisions

True calm is flexible.

In this short video above, Belle is giving us an example of SAFE body language as we go on a fall walk in a quiet area. This walk started out a bit rough with some heavy equipment near the parking lot. However the video didn't start until after Belle had processed it and we moved away, beginning our walk. This is what we want walks and training sessions to look like when we are working with fearful, reactive dogs. Nice, calm, and almost boring.

Freeze vs Calm: A Helpful Question

When you’re unsure what you’re seeing, ask yourself:

Does my dog look free… or stuck?

A calm dog feels safe enough to move, communicate, and explore.
A frozen dog feels safest doing nothing at all.

How to Support Dogs Who Freeze or Shutdown

Join the Helping Fearful Dogs Membership to see the new lesson on this topic.

The Takeaway

Stillness doesn’t always mean safety.

When we learn to see the emotional story beneath behavior, we can:

  • Prevent learned helplessness

  • Protect our dog’s confidence

  • Build resilience instead of endurance

  • Strengthen trust and teamwork

True calm isn’t quiet obedience; it’s a dog who feels safe enough to be themselves.


Thursday, February 5, 2026

When Progress Feels Hard, Turn Your Struggles Into Strengths!

When Progress Feels Like It’s Falling Apart (For Both Ends of the Leash)

If you’ve ever thought, “We were doing so well… what happened?” this is for you.

One of the hardest moments in life with a dog is when progress seems to disappear overnight. The behaviors you thought were improving suddenly resurface. Emotions feel bigger. Training feels harder. And the doubt creeps in fast.

It’s discouraging. Confusing. And often deeply personal.

Here’s the truth most people don’t talk about: emotional disruption affects both ends of the leash.

When your dog’s nervous system is overwhelmed and your own emotions are running high, progress can temporarily look messy, even when you’re doing thoughtful, compassionate work.

Why “Backsliding” Happens (Even When You’re Trying So Hard)

Behavior change is not linear. It’s influenced by:

  • Stress and fatigue
  • Changes in environment or routine
  • Health, hormones, and development
  • Accumulated emotional load (for dogs and humans)

When your dog experiences a scare, prolonged stress, or a big life change, their coping skills can temporarily fall apart. At the same time, human frustration, worry, and disappointment quietly sneak in.

And those emotions matter.

Dogs are incredibly sensitive to:

  • Tension in our bodies
  • Changes in breathing and tone
  • Shifts in patience and expectations

When both nervous systems are dysregulated, training becomes harder and it’s easy to mistake emotional disruption for failure.

The Human Side of “It’s Getting Worse”


When progress feels lost, many dog owners start telling themselves:

  • I must be doing this wrong.
  • My dog will never get better.
  • We’re back at square one.
  • I don’t have it in me to keep trying.

That emotional weight can lead to:

  • Pushing too hard out of desperation
  • Avoiding training altogether
  • Giving up on plans that once felt hopeful
  • Feeling isolated, ashamed, or alone

None of this means you’re failing. It means you care deeply, and that matters!


Reframing Backsliding

What looks like regression is often:

  • A stress response
  • A sign your dog needs more support right now
  • A clue that emotional capacity has changed
  • A request to slow down, not stop

This is the moment where struggles can begin to transform into strengths if we respond with curiosity instead of panic. And that mindset shift is exactly what the Turning Struggles Into Strengths Membership is built to support.

A Different Kind of Training Space

Turning Struggles Into Strengths is for dog owners who see behavior as communication, not something to suppress or “fix.”

It’s for people who:

  • Value connection over control
  • Believe compassion and empathy belong in training
  • Want to understand why their dog behaves the way they do
  • Care about their dog’s emotional experience, not just outward behavior

Inside the membership, we focus on knowledge that builds confidence, not shortcuts:

  • Learning how dogs think, feel, and process the world
  • Developing skills you can use for life—not just one issue
  • Building awareness that helps you adapt when things feel hard

We also lean into learning through play:

  • Games that build impulse control, flexibility, and resilience
  • Training that feels collaborative and relationship-centered
  • Helping dogs want to participate, not comply under pressure

And we keep the big picture in mind; a full life with your dog:

  • Family outings and vacations
  • Community events
  • Camping, hiking, biking, and outdoor adventures
  • A dog who is a valued family member, not a project to manage

Most importantly, this is a space for support, not judgment.

  • Where struggle is normalized
  • Progress, big or small, is celebrated
  • Setbacks are part of the learning process
  • You don’t have to do this alone

If This Resonates…

If you’ve ever felt discouraged, stuck, or unsure, even while doing your best, you’re not broken, and neither is your dog. You may just need a space that helps you slow down, reframe, and build forward with compassion.

The Turning Struggles Into Strengths Membership is here to support you in that process; one thoughtful step at a time.

Join this February to receive 50% of your first month's membership with the code FEBLOVE!

The Turning Struggles Into Strengths Membership includes our Workshop Collection and additional bonus materials created to follow up after workshops. By joining in February you gain access to the Reframing & Redirection Workshop as part of your membership!

Use the code: FEBLOVE at checkout to receive 50% off the first month!

Because progress doesn’t disappear. Sometimes it just needs a different kind of support. 💛🐾

Sunday, February 1, 2026

How Emotions Shape What We See

February Focus on Behavior: How Emotions Shape What We See

Dog training isn’t just about following a plan or checking cues off a list. It’s about understanding what’s happening under the behavior. Every behavior we see is influenced by how our dog is feeling in that moment; safe or unsure, calm or overwhelmed, curious or frustrated.

When we focus only on outcomes, we miss important emotional information. But when we slow down and observe, behavior becomes feedback. Those small signals (changes in focus, movement, posture, or engagement) tell us when our dog is ready to learn and when their emotions are getting in the way.

By noticing how emotions impact behavior, we can adjust our training, protect confidence, and create experiences that support learning instead of stress.

Common Training Struggles & the Emotions Behind Them

1. Distractions & Environmental Overload

One of the most common challenges in training is distraction; but distraction is often emotional, not disobedience.

This time of year, Azul is all about bunny hunts. Bunnies visit our backyard almost every night under the cover of darkness, and by morning the scent picture is very exciting. The moment the gate opens and Azul is released to follow his nose, his arousal shoots way up. In that heightened emotional state, his ears are essentially “off.”

He’s not choosing to ignore me! His brain is fully occupied processing scent, movement, and anticipation. Once he checks his usual spots and realizes the bunnies have already moved on, his excitement naturally begins to drop.

To prevent unsafe bunny chases, Azul stays on leash or a tie-out during this high-arousal phase. I’m not waiting for obedience; I’m waiting for emotional regulation. When his body softens and he’s able to offer check-ins again, I know his brain is back online. That’s the moment I can safely reduce management and support more choices & freedoms.

This is what it looks like to work with emotions instead of fighting behavior; management first, learning second.

Dogs process the world through smell, sound, and movement. An environment that feels manageable one moment can become overwhelming the next. Watching how your dog emotionally responds to the environment helps you make better choices; using management tools such as a longline on a sniff-a-bout, increasing distance from overwhelming locations (where bunnies hide), or moving to a quieter space.

2. Pushing Too Far or Too Long

Emotions also shift when we ask for more than our dog can handle at the moment.

During mat work, for example, holding duration too long or repeating on/off cycles can turn calm focus into frustration or shutdown. On walks or in public spaces, stacking cues and distractions can push dogs, especially fearful or easily excited ones, past their emotional threshold.

Behaviors like yawning, lip-licking, stretching, disengaging, or wandering off are emotional signals. They’re your dog saying, “This is getting hard.” Responding early helps protect confidence and keeps learning positive.

When I’ve pushed Belle too far or asked for too much for too long, her vocal side shows up. She starts woo-wooing at me,not because she’s being “demanding,” but because frustration is creeping in. That sound is her way of saying, “This is getting hard. Please hurry up or change something.”

When I hear it, I know her emotional bandwidth is shrinking. It’s my cue to adjust, simplify the task, add reinforcement, or end the session before frustration turns into disengagement. Listening to that signal helps protect her confidence and keeps learning positive.

3. Reinforcement & Emotional Regulation

Reinforcement doesn’t just motivate behavior, it influences emotional state.

Low-value treats may work when your dog feels calm and safe. In more emotionally charged situations, higher-value food, movement, or play may be needed. 

Adolescents like Millie and Leo are often operating in a state of heightened arousal. Even low-value kibble, toy play, or simple social interaction can quickly push their excitement levels up. When reinforcement is too low, they may disengage from training altogether and go looking for something more emotionally rewarding,like people or dogs in the room.

On the flip side, when reinforcement is too high, their excitement can spike so fast that self-control falls apart. That’s when we see impulsive behaviors show up: jumping, mouthing, frantic movement, or a sudden burst of zoomies.

The goal isn’t “more motivation,” it’s emotional balance. By choosing reinforcement that helps shift arousal down instead of ramping it up, we support a calmer mindset. From there, short mini-training sessions become possible again, and learning can happen without tipping into overwhelm.

When we choose reinforcement based on how our dog feels, not just what they did, we support emotional regulation, not just compliance.

4. Misreading Emotional Signals

Dogs are constantly communicating, but their messages are often subtle.

Learning your dog’s calm body language vs their over-excited body language vs their fearful body language can help you learn how to adjust the training session to help them learn to regulate their emotional state before trying to modify behaviors.

Darya is a sweet, social dog who becomes overwhelmed easily by movement and sound,especially when that input comes from another dog. When she’s calm, Dar can focus on her humans and happily engage in familiar obedience routines. Her behavior in those moments reflects a dog who feels safe and regulated.

When another dog enters the picture, her emotional state shifts fast. What often looks like sudden “reactivity” actually starts with overload. Her arousal spikes, her focus narrows, and listening becomes impossible. While she likely wants to interact or play, she’s far too overwhelmed at that moment to make thoughtful choices.

The earliest signal that Dar is tipping over her threshold is subtle: she freezes and locks her eyes onto the other dog. That pause is the warning sign. If it’s missed, her behavior quickly escalates into intense, determined movement toward the dog; like a light switch flipping on.

This isn’t about stopping the behavior that shows up once she’s overwhelmed. It’s about recognizing the early emotional shift and installing a dimmer switch by supporting her at an arousal level where she can still think, respond, and maintain some self-control.

Look for small emotional tells:
• Changes in posture or movement
• Shifting attention or excessive sniffing
• Tight or loose body language
• Tail and ear position
• Small vocalizations or avoidance

These behaviors help you decide whether to continue, simplify, or change direction.

5. Ending Sessions with Emotional Intention

How a session ends matters just as much as how it begins.

Using a clear End of Session cue like All Done! paired with a short game or calm transition to help your dog emotionally process that the work is finished and that good things follow. 

I recommend ending every training session with a train–play–rest pattern. After working, spend 30 seconds to 3 minutes in play. That short burst helps your dog release any lingering excitement or frustration and ensures the session ends on a positive emotional note.

Once play wraps up, transition intentionally into rest. Gentle cuddling, calm connection, or belly rubs help your dog’s nervous system settle and signal that it’s safe to fully relax. This downshift is just as important as the training itself.

When we pair learning with emotional regulation, the brain can do its job. The train–play–rest rhythm supports memory consolidation, helping information move from short-term processing into long-term, usable skills. Ending well doesn’t just feel good; it helps learning stick.

Ending on a positive emotional note doesn’t mean pushing for “one more rep.” It means leaving your dog feeling safe, successful, and connected.



The Big Picture: Behavior Is Built on Emotion

Focusing on behavior means understanding the emotional foundation underneath it. When we observe and respond to our dog’s emotional state, we can:
✨ Adjust training to match emotional capacity
✨ Choose reinforcers that support regulation
✨ Prevent overwhelm before it shows up
✨ Build confidence through thoughtful endings
✨ Strengthen teamwork and trust

Training isn’t a race, it’s a conversation. February’s Focus on Behavior invites us to look beyond the surface, notice emotions as they shift, and support our dogs in ways that help them feel safe, capable, and understood.